


Are we there yet?

by quilledcorsair



Series: Are we there yet? [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:42:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quilledcorsair/pseuds/quilledcorsair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian goes missing. Emma is wrecked. But so is he.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are we there yet?

_6 months._

It’s been 6 months and 11 days since he went missing. 6 months and 11 days since she last saw him.

And 11 days since they stopped searching for him.

-/-

All had been quiet in Storybrooke for the past four years. Everyone was happy and together. Emma and Killian were married with a three year old, Daliah. Neal was growing up fast. And Regina and Robin were married and happy together.

All had been well. And the town got restless. The Dwarfs brought up going to the Enchanted Forest at every town meeting. The one little spark became an uproar and soon all of them were demanding a portal back home. Unable to deny them, and wanting to return themselves, Mary Margret and Regina tried to find a counter-curse to transport them all back to their land.

And they found one. In a far off island. And who else was better for the job than the resident pirate?

Killian had volunteered and Emma, protested. She didn’t want to let him go alone, and she couldn’t leave Daliah either. He managed to curb her fears, reassuring her of his quick return. He left her with a kiss and a wink. And now all she was left with was the memory of them- his dimpled laugh, his tousled hair, his ocean eyes sparkling with delight- all only a memory now.

-/-

6 months and 11 days. And every day she woke up with her face wet with tears and a small body snuggled to her. She started to sleep on his side since the first month, when there were hopes still of finding him. Soon one month turned to two and two to three…Before she knew it his side was hers now. And his scent was all but gone.

But not his presence, no. Never.

He was with her when she made pancakes. He was with her when she kissed all of Daliah’s bruises. He was with her when she did laundry. And he was with her when she cried. He was with her always.

But he wasn’t.

-/-

Emma scrambled to Daliah’s room, her socked feet skidding on the wood floor in her hurry, her daughter’s panicked sobs making her heart jump out of her chest.

She rushed into the room and scooped up the crying child, carding through her hair and bouncing her gently. “Shh, baby. What happened?” she asked, wiping away Daliah’s tears.

Daliah buried her tear-stained face in the crook of Emma’s neck, softly sobbing into it. Emma worriedly rubbed her back, looking around the room for any sign of mishap.

That’s when her eyes fell on pieces of wood. To be more precise, piece of wood that used to make up the model of  _The Jolly Roger_  that Killian carved by himself, for Daliah when she was born. And it was broken.  _Now_ , she understood what made her daughter upset.

“I-I broke da-daddy’s ship!” she sobbed, her tiny arms going around her neck. Emma’s heart broke to hear her hiccoughing sobs. “Shh, honey. It’s okay. Mommy will fix it. It’s okay.”

“I-I-I want daddy!” her sobs intensified, making Emma’s own eyes fill up with tears.

She buried her face in her hair ( _his hair)_  and whispered, “I know, baby. So do I.”

She tried to console her but it was fruitless. “Daliah, honey,  _please_ ,” she pleaded, rocking her crying daughter back and forth, “You’re going to get sick. Don’t cry, please. Please, please, please,” she mumbled into her hair, her own tears streaming down her face.

“I want daddy!” she shrieked, wriggling in her hold. “I want daddy,” she whimpered. “Mommy.”

Emma nodded wordlessly, “Okay. Okay, we will find daddy, okay? We will. Shhh.”

“Mom?” Henry was standing at the door way, his expression hesitant.

“Henry,” she breathed, quickly wiping away her tears. “Here, hold your sister. I’ll-I’ll go get her sippycup,” she rushed, handing a now slightly complacent Daliah over to her brother.

Henry’s worried gaze followed her all the way to the kitchen before he sighed and attempted to get his sister to sleep.

Emma leaned against the counter, her fist pressed to her mouth to quell in the sobs that threatened to break free. She couldn’t do this; she couldn’t go on without him.

She struggled to wake up every day, to just survive every day, with no knowledge of what happened to him. Her breathes came out in harsh pants and she slid down the counter, hugging her knees to her chest as she struggled to  _breathe._

She couldn’t go on with blind hope anymore. He was the best at that, not her.

And despite her best efforts, she let a sob escape through her fist.

-/-

It’s been two months since. Two months and still no luck. Emma had persuaded her father to send out another search party. She’s relentlessly searched every spell book to find a locator spell that worked. None of the usual ones even helped. And she refused to believe that he was gone. No, she could  _feel_  it. 

She could feel it in her very soul that he was still alive. He was lost, but alive and she would not- could not- rest until she found him.

She had her nose buried in yet another tome from Regina’s vault when she heard a sharp knock on the door. She almost fell in her hurry to answer it, her heart in her throat and her eyes wide because it could be-

“Elsa?” she felt the disappointment set in, but it was quickly replaced up curiosity. “What are you doing here?” she asked, welcoming the hug from the other blonde.

“What? I can’t visit?” she joked, pulling away and moving inside the house.

Emma huffed, smiling slightly. “Of course you can. It’s just-I-“

“I know, Emma,” Elsa smiled sadly. “Your mother managed to contact me. The portal-door seemed to still be functional now. I’m here to help.”

Emma felt the warmth rush to her heart, her smile for once genuine. “But what about your kingdom?”

“Anna can manage without me for sometime,” she shrugged, taking a place at the table Emma’d just abandoned. “Now, what’d you need me to do?”

Emma hesitated at the doorway, too speechless to react before she smiled gratefully at her friend, moving to sit opposite her as she explained what they were doing.

-/-

Some days were worse than others. Much worse.

It had been 11 months since Killian’s disappearance. Almost a year and Emma was nowhere near finding him. All her trails ran cold, everything she found led to a dead end.

Some days it was too much to handle and she couldn’t even stay in the same house. It was one of those days when Henry found her in the mines, hiding in a dark corner.

“Mom!” he rushed to her, hugging her tight. Pulling back, he demanded, “What’re you doing here? We’ve been searching everywhere for you!”

“I-I just needed to get away from that house. Everywhere I go, I see him, Henry. This is the only place I’ve never been with him. This is the only place where I’m not-not  _haunted_ by him.”

"Mom,” Henry exhaled loudly. “Snap out of it.” Seems like he got the Charming family tact too. “He is  _not_ dead. He is  _not_  a ghost to haunt you. He is alive. And he  _will_  come back.”

Emma looked up at him, disbelief evident in her expression. “Ho-how can you say that with  _such conviction?_ I-I struggle every day to find the strength to hold on to the hope that I will find him. How are you so sure?” she looked so hopelessly lost, Henry’s heart broke for her.

"Because you of all people deserve your happy ending. And this isn’t it. I don’t believe that this is how your story ends, I refuse to. So whenever you feel like you can’t find that strength, I’ll be there to remind you. Okay?”

Emma was silent for a long while, just staring at him. Henry held her gaze, never wavering. And she finally nodded.

-/-

“Mommy, what are we doing here?” Daliah asked, kicking her legs back and forth as she sat next to her mother on the bench.

Emma swallowed thickly. It’s been a year. A whole year. She needed to be alone today. No, actually. She needed to be with Killian and the docks were the closest thing that she had.

“We-” she clears her throat. “We’re here to spend some mommy-daughter time together. Does that sound like fun?”

Daliah tapped her chin, thinking, her fae scrunched adorably. “What do we do during mommy-daughter time?”

“Hmmm, anything you want!” Emma smiled, picking her up and placing her on her lap.

“Caaaaan you tell me a story?” she asked finally.

“Of course, baby. What story would you like to hear?” she smiled down at her, brushed her hair away from her face.

“‘Bout how you and daddy met,” she sang, turning to face her fully.

Emma felt the tears prick her eyes as she nodded, beginning the story she’s told and re-told a hundred times.

-/-

“And you and daddy really climbed a beanstalk?” Daliah asked, eyes wide, as if she’s never heard the story before.

Emma nodded, “All the way up into the sky,” she answered. She was about to go on when something on the horizon caught her eye.

Something that was rapidly growing bigger and bigger. Something shaped a lot like  _The Jolly Roger_. 

Emma’s heart raced and tears of joy sprang in her eyes. She stood abruptly, Daliah balanced on her hip. A wide grin stretched across her face even as tears spilled down her cheeks. Her daughter’s incessant tugging on her hair dragged her attention back to her.

“Baby, guess what?” she asked, her voice breaking. She looked up at the ship which almost reached shore. “Daddy’s home.”


	2. Home, home, home

The gangplank was barely lowered before Emma launched herself in Killian’s arms, Daliah still on her hip. His didn’t hesitate before engulfing them both is an embrace, his face buried in her curls, her free hand clutching his head as she pressed her forehead to his shoulder, crying with no qualms now.

“Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God,” she kept mumbling over and over, barely heard over Daliah’s delightful shrikes as she wriggled in their embrace.

“Swan,” he breathed, pulling back as much as he dared, cupping her face as dragging her lips to his.

She sobbed against his lips, unable to stop herself from kissing him, touching him; her hands roamed his back, his chest, tracing his face almost roughly.

“Daddy!” Daliah cried, launching herself at him, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck and her face pressed to his neck. Her tiny shoulders shook with sobs as she hugged him close.

He held her to his tight, his heart breaking. “Shh, darling. Shh, I’m home. It’s okay,” he soothed, rubbing her back as his eyes locked with Emma’s, both of them teary eyed.

That’s when she finally took him in. He looked  _ragged._ His hair was longer, face bearded and thick, skin almost sagging, and his eyes- _Oh God his eyes_. They were bloodshot and wide and  _tortured_. As if he’d been through hell and back, just to get back.

But he was back.

She cupped his face, tracing the dark circles under his eyes, blinking away her tears. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”

-/-

Emma hasn’t let go of his hand. Not once. And Daliah hadn’t let him go either. Not that he was complaining.

“You’re severely dehydrated, as far as I can tell. I want to run further tests, so I suggest you stay the night,” Whale said, looking up and smiled. “But I’ll let you guys be for some time. Let me just set you up with an IV.”

Emma smiled gratefully at him, her eyes drifting back to Killian and Daliah, unable to stop her smile as she watched the two interact. Daliah was animatedly telling him just about everything he missed. Emma felt her throat constrict and she leaned over, turning him to face her and kissing him, surprising him,

But the surprise was short lived as he tangled his hand in her hair, deepening the kiss, his teeth nipping her bottom lip.

“Daaaadyyy!” their daughter whined, making him chuckle and pull away.

“I’m sorry, princess,” he apologised, his voice scratchy still. “But I need to tend to  _both_  my girls,” he grinned, winking at Emma, making her chuckle.

God, how she missed his grin. How she missed  _him_  

“Hey,” she tugged on his hand. “I love you.”

He smiled, all star eyed and gentle faced. “I love you,” he traced the back on his hand down her cheek, making her lean into his touch.

“And you, my wee lass,” he playfully growled, tickling Daliah, making her giggle.  _God, how much she missed her daughter’s laugh_. 

She felt the tears sting her eyes, and was thankful when the doors burst open, revealing what seemed like half the town. Or maybe it was just their family.

“Killian!” Henry exclaimed, running over and throwing his arms around his step-father. “I knew you’d come back!” he grinned.

“Aye, lad,” he grinned, hugging him back, mindful of his IV. “I’m glad to be back.”

“And we’re glad to have you back,” Mary Margret added, moving to hug him next. “You were sorely missed, pirate,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead affectionately. “Welcome home.”

His throat closed up as she brushed the hair from his face, smiling down at him before giving way for the next person.

“You have missed quite a few of our book club meetings,” Belle teased as she hugged him as well, squeezing him tight.

He breathed a laugh, “I apologise, milady.”

When she pulled back, her eyes were glassy but her smile wide. “Apology accepted. Oh, and I got you this,” she held up a bag. At his raised eyebrow, she explained, “Um, your clothes… I figured you’d want to bathe and change.”

His expression softened, as he swallowed around the lump in his throat… So many people, concerned for him…

“Thank you,” Emma answered for him, squeezing his hand discreetly, knowing-  _always knowing_ \- him. He squeezed back, his pulse jumping. _  
_

He cleared his throat, turning to David. “Dave, mate! No hug for me, I see,” he teased, making David roll his eyes.

-/-

It was hours before everyone left, reluctantly. Daliah had drifted off to sleep, hugging herself to Killian’s side; he and Emma were finally alone.

Her hand trembled as she pushed his hair away from his face, “You need a haircut,” she mused, lips pursed.

He caught her hand, bringing it to his lip and pressing them to her knuckles. “How I missed you, Swan,” he sighed.

“How  _I_ missed  _you_ ,” she mumbled back, resting her forehead to his. She took in a shuttered breath, “God, Killian,” she whimpered, closing her eyes. “ _God,_ I was so scared.”

“Hush, love. I’m here now.”

She nodded, tears streaming down her face, mingling with his own.

-/-

“He is banged up, and he’s still weak. He needs a lot of rest. But otherwise, he’s fine,” Whale smiled.

“We go home now?” Daliah exclaimed, perking up.

The adults laughed, Killian nuzzling her hair. “Yes, baby. We can go home now,” Emma assured her, locking eyes with Killian.

-/-

They were barely through the door before a blue blur rushed past, arms thrown around Killian, almost knocking him down.

“Uff,” he huffed, eyes wide as he hugged the person back. “Elsa?!” he exclaimed. “What in the worlds are you doing here?” he grinned, pulling away.

Emma smiled, letting them reunite as she ushered Daliah in and to her bath, the child protesting the whole while.

“Well,” the blonde pursed her lips in mock annoyance. “Someone got himself lost, so I came to help my best friend find him. Such a bother, this man.”

Killian felt his heart soar. “Where were you?” she asked, asking the question everyone was itching to.

“I-” he hesitated. “It’s a long story. One I wish not to relive.” he sighed. “But..thank you. For coming. I know it was as much for Emma. I-I’m glad she had you. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t…Gods, there wasn’t a day that those two weren’t a constant presence in my mind,” he ran his hand through his hair. “Thank you for being there for her. For them.”

Elsa nodded, hugging him again. “I am so relived that you’re safe, Killian. She-she missed you infinitely. And so did the rest of us.”

He nodded, speechless. “I’ll let you two be. Give you some family time. You all need it. I’ll see you,” she smiled, kissing his cheek before leaving.

He closed the door, leaning heavily against it. His fingernails dug into the door as he saw flashes of his time in the island. Fire and steel and endless pain.

He whirled around, eyes wide and alert as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Emma was quick to take her hand back, her own eyes reflecting shock.

He relaxed slightly, reaching out and pulling her to his chest. “Swan,” he breathed as she melted into him. “Emma.”

She hummed, snuggling closer. She pressed her nose to his neck, “You need to shave,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss there.

“Hmmm,” he agreed, not moving.

She sighed deeply, pulling away reluctantly. “Come on. Let’s say goodnight to Daliah.”

He smiled, his hand catching her arm. She raised an eyebrow in question. He brushed her hair behind her ear, gazing at her wordlessly, a soft smile on his face and his eyes so, so light.

She smiled her secret smile at him, one that was all his, as if she understood what he couldn’t say. And why wouldn’t she? He was as much an open book to her and she was to him.

They stayed that way, eyes locked and a hundred conversations taking place all at once, before Emma broke their gaze. “Let’s go.”

“Let’s.”

-/-

Emma laid her head on his bare chest, trying to get her heart to stop racing.

He silently ran his fingers slowly up and down her arm, making her shiver-not  _just_  from the cold. He paused, pulling the blankets up higher around her shoulders, only softly hissing as she pressed her cold feet to his calves.

Emma closed her eyes, pressing her ear to his chest, listening to his own racing heart. She sighed softly, the soft whisper of air loud in the room. “I missed this,” she admitted, her nails gently scratching his chest.

He pressed a kiss to her head, “What can I say, love? I’m a man of many talents.” He chuckled as she swatted his chest, placing her hands over his heart, balancing her chin on them, looking up at him with love in her eyes and a dull ache in her heart.

“You’re an idiot,” she smiled. “No,” she continued. “I missed falling asleep to the sound of your heart beat.”

His face fell, expression saddened. “I’m sorry I put you through that, darling,” he whispered brokenly, a furrow forming between his eyebrows.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” she replied sternly.

“I should never have left,” he protested. “It’s my fault…the hell you went through.”

“Killian…” she trailed off, almost scoffing. “I-I don’t care about any of that. All I care about right now is that  _you’re home_ ,” she whispered, her voice breaking towards the end. “There were days when I thought you were lost to me forever. God, I didn’t know how I would have ever moved on, how I would have ever learned to live without-” she cut herself off, unable to continue through the thickness in her throat.

Her tears blurred her vision and she leaned down, pressing her lips to his harshly, teeth digging into his lip.

“Emma,” he breathed, pulling back. “I survived that hell because of you and our daughter.  _For_  both of you. Every time I felt like giving up, all I could think about was Daliah having to grow up without a father. Or leaving you all alone. I-I-” he stuttered. “Bloody hell, woman. I love you so bloody much. Every day I was away from you was every day I regret. Will forever,” he declared.

She had tears streaming down from her eyes steadily. “Wha-what happened to your there?” she asked, tracing a particularly nasty scar that ran across his shoulder.

“Story for another day, my love,” he replied, clearly not wanting to talk about.

She simply nodded, resting back against him.

The ache in her heart dulled some more.


End file.
